Day 1

I have worked here for approximately four months.

I want to start being more patient and kind to Izzy. Her family, from what I've seen of it, isn't very kind. I wonder if Izzy isn't the best of them, and she's only in fourth grade. There are times where I've seen her caring. She's willing to help if you ask her, and likes to be singled out by teachers for doing something well, although there are days she hates to admit that.

She wants to have fun--isn't that what any fourth grader wants? She wants to be a part of things, to be seen by people.

She also has her faults. She loses friends because she tries to control them, she gets on the bad side of teachers because she argues and makes mischief.

I must remember to watch Izzy. I believe every child can be understood at least to the point where their lives can be made somehow better in the mere four hours of the day that I am with them. I get frustrated, and I am ashamed of myself. I took this job, specifically, because I want to help children. I do believe God has given me a gift to see them in a way that is different for others--or maybe it's just to care more about what I see.

I am so imperfect, and there isn't a lot I'm good at. I'm shy with my fellow college students, and I definitely fit the definition of awkward. But I care, and I do believe that with elementary students that matters, even if they deny, laugh or mock. I've had children mock me before (usually the day after I talked to parents about behavior issues) and what I've actually taken away is that even as they mock, they're willing to take what I offer. Help with homework, a kind word or compliment, a piece of candy or a chance to do a special task. And they're happy.

They are children, from PreK up to 5th grade, they're children. So many of them trying their very best to fit in, grow, learn and please the people around them even as they find themselves.

I'm a college student, and I'm trying to help them.